FROM THE NEWS DESK: Anne Heche Fires Back (May 18, 2007)

by George Larrimore and McKay Heim

IT’S GETTING UGLY!: So late yesterday Anne Heche’s estranged husband filed papers in Los Angeles asking for Physical Custody of their 5 year old son Homer. Plus “at least” $33,000 a month to keep him in the lifestyle to which he’s become accustomed. In those papers he also argued that she’s emotionally unstable and not a responsible parent because, for one thing, she carried the child around without benefit of a car seat. Some people would argue that the words “emotionally unstable” and “Anne Heche” go together like bread and butter. Anyway, today, in a statement to Access Hollywood, Heche fired back. Her whole statement reads:

“It is disappointing that Coley Laffoon has resorted to filing lies with the court because Anne would not cave in to his astronomical monetary demands, including his demand for $45,000 a month in support. For the past several years, the child’s father has refused to get a job in order to contribute financially to the child’s care.”

In the papers Heche (who is now dating one of her ‘Men In Trees’ co-stars) is quoted criticizing Coley Laffoon’s work ethic by calling him a “lazy ****** ****** (rhymes with “brother trucker.”) Laffoon is claiming to have had an income of $6,000 a year before he met Heche. Think the judge will want to see some proof of that.

ON THE OUTS: Distance may not have made the hearts grow fonder for Jessica Simpson and John Mayer, especially when one is partying in Cannes with her father and hairstylist and the other is home in NY. They reportedly called it quits after having been together at the Costume Institute Gala in New York last week. The couple denied a relationship for months. According to a source close to the couple, there may be a chance to reconcile… they are e-mailing back and forth across the Atlantic.

RUMOR MILL: There is a rumor out there that we want to stop before it gets any further – Mary Kate and Ashley OLSEN WILL NOT be the first or next Bond twins. Our sources say that the report that is spreading on the Internet is not true. Daniel Craig will return as Bond but will not have a set of Bond twins there to assist him on his mission. The next Bond 007 film (Number 22, as yet untitled) is scheduled to be released November 7, 2008.

GETTING GORED?: Does anybody really think Albert Gore, Junior isn’t running for the Presidency in ‘08? He’s on Larry King Live tonight, which is one of the top platforms for any public figure trying to pitch, sell, plug or spin anything from movies to legal theories. He’s authored a new political book (The Assault On Reason), and the glow from his Oscar night appearance (‘An Inconvenient Truth’) hasn’t faded. He might be waiting for the front-runners, Clinton and Obama, to run themselves out before the finish line and saving a lot of money, favors and energy in the process.

MICHAEL IS ON: Michael Jackson appeared via video conferencing in a Las Vegas courtroom this morning as he contested a planned auction of stuff that used to belong to MJ and other Jacksons. At the end of it all his attorneys say they dropped their effort to stop the auction but were able to reach an agreement, the terms of which are being kept confidential. A New Jersey man ended up with the stuff through a bankruptcy proceeding. It had been stored in a warehouse. The Auction is set for May 30 and 31 at the Hard Rock in Las Vegas.

WEIRD NEWS: What does this have to do with Entertainment? Nothing, it’s just entertaining to read. In Chicago a 10 month old boy, Bubba Ludwig, has been issued a gun permit. His father did this after Bubba’s grandfather gave Bubba a 12-gauge Beretta shotgun for his birthday. It’s a little heavy for him to shoot right now. The funniest thing is that some clerk actually had Bubba “sign” the thing, with a scribble. Who knew there were people named Bubba outside of Georgia.

BEST NEW REALITY IDEA: Story out of Long Beach, CA on the City News wire yesterday about the launch of National Dog Bite Prevention Week. Seems that 226 Letter Carriers and 40 Meter Readers in Southern California were bitten by dogs last year. How about divide them up in teams. Dogs can pretend they are asleep, act like they are friendly, in order to set up prey for a bite. Extra points for scattering the baggage. Letter Carriers can throw treats, spray mace to avoid the teeth. Judges can award style points. No steroids allowed.

Some star is doing something, somewhere this weekend and we want to know about it.. McGeorge.news@nbcuni.com.