Chrissy Teigen Pens Essay Detailing Heartbreaking Experience Of Losing Son
Chrissy Teigen and John Legend have been grieving the loss of their baby Jack and now Chrissy is ready to share her experience in her own words. After weeks of social media silence, the normally verbose Chrissy is opening up about the devastating loss of her pregnancy earlier this month and telling the story from her perspective.
The 34-year-old penned an essay on Medium published on Tuesday, and explained exactly how she felt throughout the her pregnancy, sharing more about her health conditions, and then opening up about the delivery and saying goodbye to their baby.
“After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either. We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn’t done anything at all,” Chrissy wrote.
“Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness,” she continued. “Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness.”
Chrissy announced the loss of her and John’s third child on Instagram alongside photos where she and John shared their first and final moments with their child. The black and white photos showcased the couple cradling their child, who they called Jack, and saying goodbye. Chrissy explained in her post why she wanted to capture the moment and look back on it.
“I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was. I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it. He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time.”
“But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story,” she shared.
Chrissy initially faced backlash from many social media followers for sharing those intimate moments on her social media accounts. But Chrissy slammed the critics in her essay, writing, “I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.”
The model had been very public with her fans about her pregnancy complications leading up to the hospitalization, often sharing videos from home while on bedrest. But despite Chrissy’s often fun and entertaining quips on social media about her bedrest, Chrissy detailed how the health complications for their baby became more serious one evening after a placenta abruption.
“I had a pretty bad night in bed, after a not-so-great ultrasound, where I was bleeding a bit more than even my abnormal amount. My bleeding was getting heavier and heavier. The fluid around Jack had become very low — he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly,” she explained.
After having to go through the process of labor and delivery for a baby she knew would not survive, Chrissy detailed the heartbreaking moment of saying goodbye to their son.
“My mom, John and I each held him and said our own private goodbyes, mom sobbing through Thai prayer. I asked the nurses to show me his hands and feet and I kissed them over and over and over again. I have no idea when I stopped. It could have been 10 minutes or an hour.”
“People say an experience like this creates a hole in your heart. A hole was certainly made, but it was filled with the love of something I loved so much. It doesn’t feel empty, this space. It feels full,” she wrote.
Chrissy has been finding comfort in the stories that her fans have shared along with the flowers and notes.
“For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, “you probably won’t read this, but…”. I can assure you, I did.”
“After we first lost Jack, I found myself incredibly worried that I wasn’t able to thank everyone for their extreme kindness. Many shared incredible personal experiences, some shared books and poems. I wanted to thank everyone, share our story with each individual person. But I knew I was in no state to. For me, the “no need to respond” note was such a true relief. I thank you for each and every one of those.” Chrissy Teigen & John Legend’s Love Story
